Nawazuddin Siddiqui tells SANGEETA YADAV that he is still a struggling actor looking for new challenges like doing biopics on Manto and Thackeray, and venturing into rom-coms

After giving a stellar performance in Manto, 44-year-old Nawazuddin Siddiqui, who charged Rs 1 as fee from director Nandita Das, feels that the vision behind making such a film is bigger than monetary gain.

“I felt ashamed to take money for playing Indo-Pakistani writer Saadat Hasan Manto who has been a great inspiration to me. You can’t put a price tag to bringing him alive on screen. Das and I shared a similar vision behind making this film and it is my honour to have contributed by doing justice to Manto’s role. It has been a long struggle of six years to write and direct Manto and get the right producers for this independent film for a commercial release. It takes a lot of courage and perseverance to make such a film without giving up,” Siddiqui says.

He feels that there are unnecessary theories created in the industry which is a wrong approach to get into the character. “We have created unnecessary theories in the industry to get into the skin character. All that is nonsense. To get into the skin of the character means you need to understand the character’s psyche and internalise his thought process deeply. That is what I did. Manto was a wise, experienced and sensible man. You can’t charactise him emotionally. Even when I acted him out, my approach was to let the audience be emotional by the portrayal and not me,” Siddiqui tells you.

All this is easier said than done. “When you internalise, it affects your psyche. We are not computers but human beings and when you finish playing that role, some of the character stays in you somewhere. To bring that character out of you completely, you have to come to a zero. I try to meet my friends, go to my village, get scolded by my wife and meet my children who keep complaining that I don’t give them much time. All this brings me back to the real world,” Siddiqui shares.

A scene that will stay with him forever is one shot with no dialogues. “My friend Shyam, played by Tahir Bhasin, becomes a superstar whereas Manto is going downhill as his writings aren’t helping him eke out a living. He is broke and becomes an alcoholic. When Shyam visits him, he gives Manto money but he refuses with self-respect. No matter what the situation, his beliefs, habits and characteristics remained the same. He remained courageous and stood by truth. The proof is that even after so many years, he is remembered. His thoughts and writings are relevant even  today. For instance, he always portrayed grey people. Sachh haarta hua zaroor dikhta hai par kabhi haarta nahin hai. In the end, it wins and Manto’s journey is the biggest example,” Siddiqui says. The actor’s own journey has not been without struggles and he still calls himself a struggling actor.

“There are new struggles like selecting the right film and internalising the role. Role aisa ho jisse dekh kar lagey ki mehnat karni padegi. Challenges help me grow as an actor. The struggle is to become as honest and realistic as I can in reel life. I was sure of one thing — I was destined to be an actor and that kept me motivated. The process of filmmaking fascinates me and gives me immense happiness. It doesn’t matter if the film is a hit or a flop, I will keep trying and this is my responsibility.

“Ever since I started doing theatre in 1993, I made it my habit to keep myself motivated and inspired. Now I aspire to work in a light-hearted love story. Therefore, my next four films are rom-coms, something which I have not done before,” Siddiqui says. On the personal front, balancing life, work, family and friends, he says, is difficult.

Having played varied roles, Siddiqui feels that in pursuit of being a versatile actor, his own identity has faded. “Main bahut saaree zindagi jee raha hoon alag alag kirdaaron ko bade parde pe play karke, lekin jab khud key barey mein sochta hoon tab lagta hai ki mera koi wajood he nahin raha. I don’t have time for myself but whatever time I get, I realise that mera wajood khatam ho chuka hai. Mera jo kuch bhi hai woh sirf characters ke liye bana hai and mein usey apne andar har waqt talaash karta hoon. This is my only aim in life. I believe we all possess thousands of characters within us with many shades,” Siddiqui says. He will now be seen in another biopic, on the late Balasaheb Thackeray, which is slated to release on January 23, 2019, marking his 93rd birth anniversary.

“I just finished filming Thackeray and will start dubbing for it now. I must have watched thousands of videos of him and observed his dialogue delivery, dialect, gestures, body language and attitude. My only aim is that when the audience will see me as Thackeray, they should not think that it is Nawaz. They should think that Thackeray himself has come alive,” Siddiqui says.