Pregnancy must be an amalgamation of modern-day facilities and traditional cultures for better parenting
A new revolution is brewing in the millennial world. Just as the new generation re-defined love and relationships, it is now ready to present to us a modern version of pregnancy. Gone are the days when a baby bump was kept hidden to ward off the evil eye. Pregnancy today is celebrated with expensive announcements and showers. It comes as a moment that gets etched into permanence with maternity photo-shoots becoming the new norm. From having hospitals dedicated for pregnant couples to radiologists going an extra mile to gift intra-uterine 3D photos of the unborn baby to the parents, and gynaecologists agreeing to conduct elective Caesarean births on the date as per the parent’s choice — the medical fraternity, too, has upgraded itself to match with the modern times.
While all of this has empowered the urban woman — who works hard to prepare herself for conception with the internet and self-help books by her side — even she cannot expect the unexpected. A woman is prepared for some sleepless nights post-pregnancy but why don’t the methods of sleep-training for the baby written in those books ever work? She knows the thousand benefits of breast-feeding but why do her nipples hurt when she feeds the newborn? When life with baby does not turn out as flowery as the posters in the maternity ward suggested, who should be held accountable? Her doctors will make her understand that all these are normal and every mother has to face it. Much to the trauma of this independent fierce warrior wonder woman, her dreams of being a perfect movie ‘mom’ are shattered. As if this isn’t enough, her ears become the burial ground for countless unsolicited motherhood solutions from the neighborhood.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how much we modernise and empower the Indian woman and hospitals, one thing that our activists and leaders have failed to modernise is Indian society. Don’t get me wrong, the deep-rooted traditions in society were set by learned men (and women, hopefully), who intended to simplify scientific knowledge. Take for example, the tradition of following a 40-day isolation period after the birth of the baby. This is logical as post-partum, infections are most common in the puerperium. However, over a period of time, people have turned this into an orthodox rule and women in some rural households are even made to sleep on the floor in a dark room for 40 days. On the contrary, urban babies, born in modern hospitals, are greeted with a swarm of kisses and teddy bears, all to the distress of a helpless new mother, who was told that there is a custom which forbids others from visiting the baby till 40 days are up. Only in India can we see such hypocrisy where a tradition, which was meant to protect both the new baby and the mother from infections, would turn into a cause for psychological trauma.
Another instance of a tradition going wrong is when the baby undergoes a massage therapy. Originally, these massages were meant to increase blood circulation and promote mother-baby bonding. This time-trusted tradition has now been taken over by the highly sought after japas, who are ‘experienced’ women and are often hired to bathe, massage and groom the new-born. Much to the scare of my pediatric colleagues, the kind of passion these ladies put into straightening the God intended limbs and back of the baby are enough to turn an alien into a human. Meanwhile, the shrill cry of the baby is considered as a sign of her doing a good job. So much in the name of modernisation. The victim in this complicated web of interaction is the modern Indian woman, living in the traditional Indian eco-system, who by virtue of her education and access to numerous social media platforms is well aware of the ‘right’ thing to do but at the same time cannot overrule her elders. So what should she do? In most situations, it’s actually about what can she do? The battle between tradition and education has no real winners.
The need of the hour is to find a middle path — a place where modern-day facilities and information meet Indian culture and customs. What we need is for our ante-natal programmes to shift from merely existing as a value-add to the delivery packages in hospitals to a stronger, focussed and practical approach towards parenting. Internet can give worried new parents all answers to questions they ask but how about giving them the answers to questions they don’t even know need to be asked? Every pregnancy deserves the advantage of our cultural heritage. And for that to happen, the medical fraternity will have to build a bridge between the traditional system of childbirth and child rearing, each system being in need of refreshing its approach and adapting to the current age.
(The writer is a practising doctor)
