Love can be many things — sometimes intimidating, frustrating, and often exhilarating. From ghosting, polyamory, love in the times of social media to dealing with heartbreak, infidelity and getting out of a toxic relationship, author Aastha Atray Banan’s latest book, The L Word: Love, Lust and Everything in Between, is a guide. By Ayushi Sharma

Love. What exactly is it?

Love is a many splendored thing

It’s the April rose that only grows in the early spring

Love is nature’s way of giving a reason to be living

The golden crown that makes a man a king

Once on a high and windy hill, in the morning mist

Two lovers kissed and the world stood still

Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing

Yes, true love’s a many splendored thing...

Isn’t it? Well, every single person in the world understands love and expresses it differently. When author Aastha Atray Banan found herself getting questions asked about the daily struggles of love, she decided to start a podcast, Love Aaj Kal, which facilitates non-judgmental and candid conversation on topics like love, sex and relationship. From ghosting, polyamory, love in the times of social media to dealing with heartbreak, infidelity and getting out of a toxic relationship, she knew what were the problems people were facing these days. So she worked up from dating to marriage, which led her to write — The L Word: Love, Lust and Everything in Between. The book is a guide to love, dating and relationships in the modern world.

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that technology has superseded human interaction today, and has elevated the desire for quick hookups. However, ask Aastha, ‘what does she think about modern relationships?’ ‘Are they fundamentally the same as they were in prior generations?’ She tells us that modern relationships are ‘transient’. “They are not about commitment but the illusion of choice. People think the next best thing is always waiting somewhere around the corner and don’t want to put in any work. People move on too quickly and everything is based on shallow interactions. It’s all about how you look and come across. Nobody wants to actually commit or even adjust. They just feel like moving on, instead of meeting the other person halfway,” she says.

Everybody seems to be obsessed with the notion of love these days. It might be because we are conditioned to believe that we need to find another person to complete us. That’s what Aastha has tried to convey in the book: Love is great but it’s not ‘be all and end all’. “Build your relationship with yourself first. I think we need to start finding love in different ways and not just romance,” says the author, who has previously written His Monsoon Bride and Games Girls Play.

It’s true that in a never-ending quest for ‘the one’, people risk losing the one they should care about the most: Themselves. Aastha completely agrees and says, “Yes, we do! We don’t prioritise ourselves, and we spend years in toxic relationships just because we want someone. The book talks about ‘self-love’ as the most needed criteria. We need to never underestimate who we are, and what we stand for.”

After comprehending and exploring the idea so much, what can love stand for Aastha? Well, she tells us that she believes love is being consistent, being present, and being completely involved in another’s life. She says, “It’s all about choosing to settle for someone while being aware of their pros and cons. Nobody is perfect. We have to eventually settle for someone who has flaws. And we should understand this soon. We need to only enter relationships that provide comfort and peace. But be ready to accommodate and adjust. We need to meet people halfway.”

The book has some hard truths about love. “Some will help you become aware, some will show you the truth, some will say it’s okay if you are alone, and it’s okay if it didn’t work out, life moves on. Love makes you grow in many ways,” she says.

Certainly, love is a many splendored thing. 

(The book has been published by HarperCollins India.)