" There is a part of the soul that shines at night, in the dark and soundless times of the day, when our defenses are down and our daylight distractions no longer serve to protect us from ourselves. It is then, in the still of life, when we least expect it, that questions emerge from the damp murkiness of our inner world... These questions do not call for the discovery of data, they call for the contemplation of possibility." - writes author Joan Chittister in her book " Between the Dark and the Daylight".
Does this strike a chord with all of us? Haven't we all gone though this? There are moments and memories buried deep within all of us, fiercely protected, and we fear to dig them up, lest they spill out like burning lava - and disturb the extremely meticulously curated life that we have so painstakingly created for ourselves, the life that we show to the world... or the way the world sees us.
These moments and memories could be extremely painful or extremely joyful. It could be contradictory emotions, which can be understood only by ourselves and no one else - not even our closest friend. For me - it is the memory of the last few moments with my mother, hours before her death. For 6 months after her death, these memories haunted me throughout, and I used to wake up in the middle of night, crying and sweating profusely. Slowly, not finding any other means to come to terms with it, I buried them deep inside and refused to let it out, lest they would disrupt my life again. Now, once a while, I go back to that dreadful day, recall each and every moment over and over again and allow the spasms of pain wash over me, till I am drained. But after that, it also gives me the strength to come back again, to face the world with more peace within me.
It doesn't have to be only painful moments. It can be beautiful-happy-crazy-soulful moments. Memories of meeting a long lost friend accidently on a flight. An incredible moment during a climb on the mountains.. seeing nature at its best. The final goodbye moment with a dear friend knowing you might never be meeting again. Looking back the last time while leaving a city or country where you spent your best days of life. It could be anything. But over now. Lost now. Only the memories remain. Beautiful, precious memories. That sound of laughter. That voice. That look. That hug. That moment.. now tucked inside us, at the safest place, which no one can take away from us.
Suddenly one night, out of blue, it flashes through our minds, when we least expect it, and we replay those moments in our minds again and again and some questions appear. But those questions never get answered. I realize... some things in life do not get closure. They remain a mystery... to ponder over again and again - and to drown us in the swathe of emotions, exploring the perplexed mind and the hurting heart. We need to give in to those moments. Laugh or cry. Feel the pain or joy. And come back stronger. Face a new day, with new possibilities. That is the paradox of life. Where we all walk the line of great celebration and great sadness! By embracing them both, we allow self acceptance, and get the strength and courage to carry on the journey called Life!
