I find that with increasing age, I am becoming more rigid in opinions, have begun to develop pre-conceived notions, and I am turning more judgemental. This often results in my interrupting people, or even using harsh words, if they put forth a contradictory view point. It is surprising because experiences should impart a certain maturity when dealing with people. I find many persons suffer from the same malaise, unable to step back and reflect, and apologise if need be. It is easier said than done.
I was in a departmental store a few years back. The young saleswoman approached us selling a newly launched hair product by a leading brand. It was much pricier than the most expensive item in the category available on the shelves. She vouched for the superior quality, insisting that we try it once. She was the more mature person as she replied to my insensitive query about the affordability of such an expensive product by a mere salesperson. The company had given samples to them before they could make a sales pitch. That I was ashamed of my behaviour would be an understatement.
More recently, I was upset at the rudeness of a neighbour. I berated another gentleman, attributing behaviour of the rude person to the group that both are part of. The mutual friend felt hurt at this unjustified blame for the conduct of the discourteous person. Words were exchanged between us in public that in the first place had no business to be uttered at all. In yet another incident, I interrupted a young lady while she tried to explain her views on a rather sensitive subject. She too told me that she is an individual in her own rights, she has her own opinions, and it was not fair for me to equate her with a group. We think that children would not remember harsh words or actions against them. I have raised my hand only twice in my life, that too when the persons at the receiving end were children. Both of them remember the incidents even almost four decades later. I was extremely short tempered in the initial few years of my professional life, and would often shout at subordinates. I know of colleagues who would even throw files or documents back at the officer. I am not sure if the throwers understood their folly, but I realized I could get a lot done with just an encouraging and kind word.
Everyone faces similar incidents. All of us have people around us who are our moral compass. For me, those are my wife, daughters, and a few friends. They make it a point to interrupt me in time. They keep reminding me to pause and listen. They tell me time and again to be less impatient. Unfortunately, they too have to bear the brunt sometimes. I was a much better listener till I quit my professional pursuits. I do not know if it is the impatience of time constraint or my old age. It is likely that both are interrelated and I am trying to do too much, too soon, in what I consider to be a limited time. But these can not be excuses for bad behaviour.
Inability to listen to others, or to not be empathetic, is harmful to interpersonal relations. We cannot always be right. In fact, there is no right or wrong in a conversation. There are only two perspectives. Words spoken in the heat of the moment have a way of returning to haunt. The hurts caused by harsh words, or even a harsh attitude may heal, but would leave a scar. Life is too beautiful to be wasted on the trivial sentiment of 'I am always right.'
The author is an electrical engineer with the Indian Railways and conducts classes in creative writing
