Relationships are beautiful. However, I often view them through the lenses of the boundaries deeply ingrained during childhood and over the decades. I fail to grasp that human relationships are pure and unadulterated emotions. They cannot follow any scientific formulae. I also need to curb my tendency to judge the raw emotions and reactions of others solely based on my experiences.
I am the oldest child of my generation in the entire family. A lesson deeply ingrained into my psyche by my elders was that I needed to be mindful of the youngsters and guests came first. I discharged my responsibilities with the utmost care till I had my first setback in my early teens. A much younger cousin was playing with my sister. Like all children, they also started fighting for the same toy. It fell upon me to mediate. My sister did not say anything but burst into tears when I tried to explain that it was our responsibility to take care of the younger guest. Her tears taught me an important lesson. We have tried hard not to burden our daughters with unnecessary baggage.
A few days into my first posting in the railways, I was asked to chair the farewell meeting of a retiring staff. I was the seniormost official in the gathering at the relatively young age of 25. I was taken aback when I was asked to speak a few words. Eloquence is not my strong suit. I prefer brevity, or even silent brooding, over a long drawn flowery speech. I remember my impromptu words even four decades later. I compared the professional journey of everyone from the time of joining till retirement to the life of a rose and the fragrance that it spreads till the end. I also compared the new life that the staff would embark upon from the next day to the blooming of a new flower. The staff had tears of gratitude in his eyes. The supervisors applauded me for words well said. It was Bengal where words spoken from the heart are also received with utmost sincerity. I had developed an instant connection and lasting relationships with them. They recognised me as a sensitive soul they could uninhibitedly approach for help. I may not always have been of much assistance, but it was enough for the person to unburden.
A young neighbour told me that she finds me unduly sensitive to certain situations. She said that she, and probably many more, look up to me for guidance. She went on to mention that I need to curb my impulsive reactions. My response was that I am an extremely sensitive and emotional person, and I have spent a lifetime worrying about others. It is now time for me to be myself. I rather flippantly concluded, “This is what I am.”
This is a lesson I sometimes forget when imparting my words of wisdom to those dear to me. A long time as an engineer has made me too rational and logical. I often find myself at the receiving end when I abruptly interrupt my wife as she starts talking about something bothering her, a situation that I may feel is beyond her control. I conveniently forget my learnings over a lifetime, till she reminds me that she is aware of the impossibility of the situation. She wants me to let her vent her frustrations. I realise there is a lot I need to work on.
In author Mignon G Eberhart’s words, “The complexity of human relationships is never simple to follow; it is like intricate lacework, but lacework made of steel.”
To conclude, relationships are intricate, shaped by personal experiences, emotions, and deep-seated values. My journey has been one of constant learning—understanding that relationships cannot be governed by rigid logic but by sensitivity and empathy. From childhood lessons of responsibility to professional experiences that connected me with people on a deeper level, I have realised that emotions must be acknowledged, not judged.
Over the years, I have also recognised my own need to evolve. While my rationality has served me well, it sometimes overshadows the simple act of listening. As my wife often reminds me that not every problem requires a solution—sometimes, people just need to be heard. As I continue to navigate relationships, I strive to embrace emotions without overanalysing them.
(The author is an electrical engineer with the Indian Railways and conducts classes in creative writing. Views expressed are personal)
