The stronger you are, the less prone you are to anger; the weaker you are, the more prone you are to anger. Often, anger comes because you don’t accept the present moment. You look for perfection; that is why you are angry at imperfections
Everyone wants to get rid of the anger. You remind yourself a hundred times that you shouldn’t get angry, but when the situation arises, you are unable to control it, and you are swept away by the storm of emotions. Emotions are much more powerful than your thoughts. All through our school and college, we have been told not to get angry, not to lose our cool, but nobody ever taught us how not to.
Anger is a distortion of our true nature
Anger is not our true nature. Our true nature is pure love. All the negative emotions are simply distortions of love. You love perfection, so you get angry at imperfections. You love people too much, and that turns into jealousy or possessiveness. You love yourself too much, and that becomes arrogance.
When you love objects more than people, then it is greed. These are part of this creation, but we still call it a distortion because these don’t allow the Self to shine forth fully. And this is what sin is. Anger is considered a sin because when you are angry, you lose your centredness; you lose sight of the self.
Anger is a sign of weakness
Anger is a sign of weakness. You feel angry because of a perceived weakness. When you want to do something but are not able to do it, then that incapability evokes anger in you. When you feel you are capable and powerful, why would you feel angry? You never get angry over an ant. You never get angry with someone or something inferior or someone far above you. You get angry at someone who is at par or slightly more powerful. You get angry when you feel someone did not obey you. When you focus on others’ mistakes and feel they intentionally did it, you are bound to feel angry. Anger arises when we think that our words carry far more importance than us.
Examine how frequently you get angry. The frequency of your anger is inversely proportional to your strength. The stronger you are, the less prone you are to anger; the weaker you are, the more prone you are to anger. Often, anger comes because you don’t accept the present moment. You look for perfection; that is why you are angry at imperfections. It is necessary to keep some room for imperfection. It brings you more patience. With more patience, there is less anger, and with less anger, there will be no violence. The youth today particularly need to develop more patience.
You get hurt most by a loved one
If someone you love does not behave according to your expectations, you get hurt. You are not hurt by an unfamiliar person walking on the road! But if a person you love or you feel close to does not respond or smile at you or look at you, your smile is lost, and you close yourself up.
Love is a fine and delicate emotion; in the space of love, one can get easily hurt, and the hurt can quickly turn into hatred, anger, blame, grudges, bitterness, or jealousy. How can you save this delicate emotion from getting distorted? Knowledge is the shield that helps you to safeguard this love. Knowledge maintains the purity of love and keeps it away from all sorts of vikaras (distortions). Now, what do you do when someone is rude to you? You get upset, react rudely in return, get frustrated, avoid the person or the situation, or blame the person or preach to the person. Know that none of these will strengthen you in any way. Even when someone commits a mistake, do not see intention behind their mistakes. This one sutra can save your mind, make your personality more serene, and peace, which is your very nature, comes forth.
If you observe any negativity or any rude behaviour that you see around you, you take it to heart, and when you notice any positive quality in someone, you take it to the head, and immediately get into analysing or judging. The nature of the heart is to exaggerate, and so a small problem becomes big then. We need to reverse this tendency. When you see something positive in someone, exaggerate it, and if someone behaves rudely or negatively, analyse with your intellect — ‘Oh he must be very stressed and tense.’ Analysis of negativity brings up compassion in you, and exaggeration of the good qualities around brings up waves of beauty in you.
The loop of anger and resentment
Anger and resentment have a chain reaction — you get angry and then you start resenting; resentment then turns to anger again. Either you are angry with somebody or you are angry with yourself. You may be angry with somebody else, but then, as soon as your anger fades, you resent yourself and feel, “How could I lose my temper like that?” Just get rid of resentment. Know that anger is part of your life. If you take away a toy from a small child, he yells and shouts, but then everything is normal the very next instant, like nothing happened. Similarly, you get angry, but the anger should last only as long as a line drawn over water. The next moment the smile should return to your face.
Showing anger itself is not wrong, but being unaware of your anger ends up hurting you more than anyone else. But when you get angry yourself, you are shaken completely. Are you ever happy with the decisions you have made or the words you have spoken when you are angry? No, because you lose your total awareness. If you are completely aware and you are acting angry, that is fine.
In fact, anger is an instrument. It is useful when you can be in control of it. It can work wonders when you know how to use it and where to use it. That takes skill-that is the art of handling your might. Spiritual practices help you maintain your centredness and not be shaken by small events. This is where a little knowledge about us, about our mind, our consciousness, and the root of distortion in our nature will help. It is when you are exhausted and stressed that you lose your centre and get angry.
Breathing techniques and meditation are very effective in calming the mind. Our breath has a great lesson to teach us in dealing with anger. Every emotion has a corresponding pattern of breath. When you are angry, you breathe out faster; when you are calm, you breathe a certain way, and when you are happy, you breathe differently.
When you take some time out and learn how to breathe properly, you can learn to have a say on how you feel throughout the day. Meditation, along with this, teaches you the art of letting go, trains you to accept this moment, and live every moment totally with depth.
When you get angry and do not express it, you suffocate inside. On the other hand, when you express it, you feel guilty. The key is to rise above both. This can only happen when you start rising in your consciousness. This is where spirituality has a great role to play in our lives. Then, you can enjoy all the colours of emotions without being controlled by them.
Usually, you give your anger freely, and your smile rarely, as though a smile is very expensive. In ignorance, anger is cheap, and a smile is costly. In knowledge, a smile is free-like the sunshine, air, and water-and anger is extremely expensive, like a diamond. Make your smile cheaper and anger expensive.
