Loneliness can affect anybody. Experts define it as a “distressing feeling that accompanies the perception that one’s social needs are not being met by the quantity or quality of one’s social relationships.” Covid-19-induced restrictions have just added to the woes. The experts tell ARCHANA JYOTI that everyone who may be feeling lonely or isolated, should reach out to someone; and if they know someone who they feel might be lonely, or isolated to get in touch.

*Seventy years old Kamlesh Patel (name changed) who retired as a senior bureaucrat, is a lonely man now. With his wife passing away two years ago, both the children settled abroad, and no close friends and relatives around, he is leading a secluded life in his 3-BHK apartment in a posh locality in the national capital. When in job, Patel failed to balance his personal/professional and social life. So, he is now rejected by those who really mattered in his life then. Now, he cannot blame anyone but himself for this situation that led him to loneliness.

*Thirty-five years old Sanjay Rastogi is surrounded by so many people, but he is still leading a lonely life. It's all because of an inferiority complex he developed when he failed to convert his dream of becoming an IAS officer into reality. A brilliant student, Rastogi couldn't accept any job lower than an IAS officer. Now, he avoids social contact and is in a kind of confinement because of low self-esteem, sadness, and fear of being repulsed/rebuffed.

These two cases are just the tip of the iceberg. As per the findings of the Centre for the Study of Developing Societies (CSDS) released in 2017, over 12 percent of Indian youth reported feeling depressed often, and 8 per cent reported feeling lonely quite frequently.

A study titled “What causes loneliness among household heads: a study based in a primary setting in Mumbai, India” found that around 7 per cent of respondents often felt lonely, while 21 per cent experienced loneliness sometimes in the last seven days preceding the survey date.

“Household heads with two or more chronic diseases had higher odds of loneliness than household heads without any chronic disease. The odds of loneliness were almost 3 times higher among females as compared to males. Household heads living alone (single) had higher odds to suffer from loneliness than those living in a joint family,” the study revealed.

The study was conducted by Vidya Yadav, Assistant Professor in P.G. Department of Geography, College of Commerce, Arts & Science, Patna, Patliputra University; and Shekhar Chauhan and  Ratna Patel, Department of Public Health and Mortality Studies, International Institute for Population Sciences, Mumbai. It has been published in the  BMJ Public Health.

The researchers noted that the lifestyle of urban dwellers adversely affects their health not only physically but mentally too. In this context, loneliness rapidly emerged as a public health concern in the urban part.

“Furthermore, many identified the risk factors of loneliness that could have been avoided if timely preventive measures were taken along with adequate care. Improvement in the aesthetic design of future slum rehabilitation projects can promote a socially cohesive environment,” they found.

The situation is not encouraging elsewhere also. A study in 2020 by Cigna found that 61 percent of Americans reported being lonely in 2019, up from 54 per cent in 2018. Some figures suggest loneliness affects the well-being of as many as 3 in 10 people. Similarly, yet another study conducted in the same year by the University of Edinburgh suggests that the causes of loneliness differ depending on the age of the individual.

For example, older adults experience loneliness more frequently as a result of living alone, while middle-aged individuals aren’t as likely to report living alone as a cause of their loneliness.

JR Gupta, President of Senior Citizens Council of Delhi, avers saying that “Older individuals are more likely to have lost friends and family members, and they are more likely to experience medical or physical limitations that restrict their scopes for activities and socializing.”

Recently released ‘Longitudinal Ageing Study of India’ too says that approximately 23 percent of the elderly stay alone, without children. While loneliness can have an impact across ages and be relevant irrespective of whether you stay alone or in a full house, it is most common among those above 60 years of age and affects almost everyone at some point of time.

Gupta says that on their part they have been organizing various tours and get-together events so that their elder members do not feel that they are alone. “Sharing reduces the pain of loneliness,” he asserts.

Dr. RK Dhamija, Director of the Delhi-based Institute of Behaviour Human Allied Sciences (IBHAS), emphasizes that loneliness is both a cause and consequence of mental health disorders. Sometimes though, “loneliness may result in lifestyle modifications such as joining fitness classes, seeking outdoor adventure, etc.”

Although loneliness and being alone are commonly confused, being alone doesn’t necessarily mean someone is lonely. “Loneliness is a feeling while being alone is a situation or state of being, which is not inherently negative,” says Nina Vasan, psychiatrist and professor at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief medical officer at Real, an online mental wellness membership site.

“You can feel lonely even when you’re surrounded by other people — such as a partner, family, co-workers, or friends,” Dr. Vasan says.

Dr Dhamija agrees as he cautioned that solitude and loneliness should not be explained in similar ways. Solitude is enjoyed by people and it leads to creativity, and self-realization, and is totally an approach to developing one's own individual space.

Loneliness is basically of three types - Emotional, Social, and Situational.

Situational loneliness is when we lose someone close to our heart (bereavement), get bullied, physically/ mentally abused, have a chronic disease, and post-retirement fear of loss of Income, elaborates Dr Smita Deshpande, a  professor of psychiatry at St. John's Research Institute, St. John's National Academy of Health Sciences in Bengaluru.

Secondly, our egoistic attitude, underestimating/avoiding people for not being of our standard creates hatred for us, and people gradually start leaving us. And our high ambition to see our children get good jobs and earn a lot of money takes them away from us. They run after money leaving us behind and getting detached from us due to their busy/hectic work schedule, she points out.

Rajeev Kumar, Officer on Special Duty (OSD) in Delhi Government’s Education Department who has gone through an isolation stage as a Covid patient, feels that people do not have time to talk to each other in this net-savvy world. A new concept that “it’s no use of telling or advising anybody’ is fast catching up. This also leads to loneliness even when you have friends. Sometimes even when living in the same house they talk through Whatsapp or phone calls from their rooms. This is leading to declining verbal communication, he says matter-of-factly.

Dr. Dhamija concludes with the warning, “Chronic feelings of loneliness can have a huge adverse impact on anybody’s quality of life. If left untreated, these feelings can lead to more serious issues such as depression or other mental health conditions.

“These can be Cognitive decline/Depression/Heart disease/High blood pressure (hypertension)/Obesity/ Weakened immune system /Alzheimer’s disease. Hence, it is important to reach out to a mental health professional, if you are feeling lonely.”

Tips to Manage that Feeling: There is a light at the end of the tunnel, assures Clinical Psychologist, Rabya Khatoon

·         Take control of your time: When you feel lonely. It means time for yourself to make a list of your goals and try to accomplish them.

·         Self-care: It tends to improve mood, quality of life, and physical and mental health.

·         Manage your leisure time with your skills: You allow doing your skills like painting, cooking, dancing, and some other activities.

·         Join a social group: Joining dance classes, clubs, swimming, and some other social groups help reduce loneliness and it also helps in increasing physical and mental energy.

·         Give priority to close relationships: Relationships matter in loneliness. Keep in touch with your loved one whether you touch it online or offline.

·         Self-love: Be your own best friend and give value to your own work. It helps improve your self-esteem which supports physical and psychological growth.

·         Enjoy your own company: Connect with your own pleasant memories.

·         Active lifestyle: You can beat your loneliness with your active lifestyle. Make an activity schedule including your sleep at least for 6-7 hours, healthy foods, exercise, fun, and traveling.

·         Enjoy the little moment: Celebrate little moments like birthdays, organize a small party for fun, and read books that help improve mental and physical health.

·         Count blessings: Count your achievements and do appreciate them. It develops a positive approach toward your life.

Nations Gear up to Tackle Loneliness

Various Governments across the world are gradually waking up to this silent killer - loneliness. When the UK appointed a designated Loneliness minister in 2018 to reach out to its older people, Japan last year took a similar step after it felt that loneliness is afflicting people across different age groups, including children, young people, women, and older people. Rising cases of suicide were the immediate trigger.

In India, Delhi Government has started ‘Happiness Classes’ while a few years ago, Madhya Pradesh set up a ‘Happiness Department’, with Chief Minister Shivraj Singh Chouhan saying it will work to ensure “happiness in the lives of the common people” along the lines of the neighboring country Bhutan.

Since 2008, Bhutan has established the Ministry of Happiness to measure the happiness of its citizens. In the population census form, there is a column to fill in the information about citizens’ level of satisfaction in life. This information is acquired using a holistic approach to measuring citizens’ happiness and well-being that also provides guidelines to design evidence-based policies.

Happiness classes have brought a pathbreaking change in the student's mindset, Deputy Chief Minister Manish Sisodia says, explaining that the “curriculum has changed students’ learning experience for the better and how to tackle stress. Students' focus on studies (is) increasing. Children are staying stress-free."