Parents are over-extending themselves since they fear that they are not doing enough to help their children succeed. By Divya Palaniappan

Bringing up a child can be quite a task, especially if you are a first-time parent. Just when you are done with toilet-training, the responsibility of enrolling your child in a reputed school comes up. On top of that, you want your little one to excel in extra-curricular activities. Sounds hectic? Imagine, how it would be for the toddlers who have just started memorising the alphabet.

Getting top grades is no longer considered sufficient; they need to be good at things outside the classroom as well. In fact, children now hardly get any free time after school as their schedule is packed. As childhood becomes increasingly competitive, parents often feel the need to push their children beyond their natural capacity. They are constantly made to fear that they are not doing enough to help their children succeed in a cut-throat world. This gives birth to a dangerous parenting trends that does more harm than good to the young ones.

One such trend is helicopter parenting, a metaphor to describe a breed of over-controlling parents who closely monitor and get involved in every aspect of their children’s lives. While the seemingly innocent parenting style may improve your children’s school performance, it can have adverse effects on their psychological well-being. The trend is on the rise in India.

Helicopter parenting in India

Earlier, while academic performance was a priority, one rarely heard of parents who  were equally invested in every little detail of their child's life, like their extra-curricular activities, their relationship with their peer group, their appearance and more.

A few years later, in the wake of globalisation in the 1990s, the education sector in India went through many changes. Government schools started losing their value with the mushrooming of private English-medium ones. These new schools offered curriculums that were a burden for little children as there was an emphasis on focussing not only on academics but also out-of-classroom activities. This forced parents to take up strict measures like limiting unstructured playtime and cutting social interactions, which pushed their children over the edge.

While pinpointing the exact time when this trend started catching on with Indian parents is not possible, it was somewhere around the early 2000s. Gen Y or millennials were the first ones to be helicoptered, whereas previous generations enjoyed a rather carefree childhood in comparison.

Why Indian parents are turning to this trend?

The admission policies of higher education institutions also contribute to the rise of helicopter parenting since these colleges and universities look out for well-rounded students who have multiple talents along with high marks. Therefore, Indian parents are leaving no stones unturned to make sure that their children grow up into over-achievers. As a result, helicopter parenting has now become quite the norm in the country.

Dangers of helicopter parenting

Being familiar with your children’s lives is crucial, but a boundary needs to be drawn somewhere. Helicopter parents, however, don't believe in these. From dropping them off at numerous activity classes to finishing their projects, they are virtually shadowing the lives of their children. This unfortunately results in children of such parents failing to develop emotional and behavioural skills of their own, which is imperative for their overall growth.

It has been observed that children of helicopter parents might struggle to control their feelings and impulses compared to their counterparts. Their inability to manage emotions can cause problems in schools and other outdoor settings. In fact, helicopter parenting can make children feel unprepared to face the challenges of the real world.

There is a lot of research that discusses the harmful effects of helicopter parenting on young minds. Some of the common issues faced by helicoptered children are anxiety, lack of mental resilience, inability to make decisions and so on. In extreme cases, these children might crumble under pressure and slip into depression and might have other such complications. 

How to not be ahelicopter parent

There is a thin line between being a supportive and a helicopter parent. Make sure you are not crossing that line. Keep a track of your children’s day-to-day life without being too intrusive. The young ones are more capable than we give them credit for and in most cases, they can take care of their own problems. One should ask about their day, but not every minute details.

Instead of expecting them to beat everyone in the class, encourage them to develop a spirit of camaraderie by introducing fun game-based learning methods. Give them the time and space to discover what they like doing and to take it ahead on their own. Also, let your children socialise with their peers so that they learn interpersonal skills and the importance of human values like compassion, empathy,  being helpful  and love.

Ultimately, the happiness of your children should determine how successful you are as a parent and not their exam grades or trophies.

(The writer is a child psychologist.)