My child does not listen to me, says a distraught parent. “My parents do not understand me. My friends understand me completely and appreciate me so I ask them everything and anything and my parents say that I don’t love them but I love my friends more,” says a distraught teenager.
Adolescence (10–19 years) is the most crucial period in a growing child’s life. It is an age of growth and hormonal turbulence where many children face physical, emotional and social upheavels in their life which can make them more prone and vulnerable to various mental health problems especially stress drug abuse and depression.
A noted school in an Indian metro reported to have caught its 14 year old boys sending abusive sexual WhatsApp messages about their female class fellows to each other, talking lightly of rape and abusive slangs like gangbang.
Many youth are taking irrational decisions leading them astray and into maladaptive coping behaviours, taking to shouting slogans on the roads and missing their schools college and classes.
They were recently seen leading processions, pelting stones on the police and burning public property. Many resort to taking drugs and alcohol and indulging in risky high speed driving and unsafe sexual practices.For many of them their studies and careers have taken a back seat and are not on their priority list anymore.
WHERE ARE WE GOING WRONG?
I am reminded of a story I read a few days back.It was from Sze Yao Tan, Law Univerisityof Cambridge. He wrote, “I was waiting at a traffic light to cross a road with a Japanese friend in Tokyo on a Sunday afternoon.We came to a red light and I asked my friend whether we should cross it as there was no traffic around. ‘No’ he replied ‘we should wait for the green light.
I was perplexed, there are no cars around, why should we wait? My friend smiled and asked me a question in return—what if a child is watching?” “Now I know what they mean when they say—it takes a whole village to raise a child,” he wrote.
Adolescence has been considered to be the foundation of a person’s life where one gets to formulate and maintain many social and emotional habits which are important not only for their physical wellbeing but also for their mental wellbeing.
They learn to adopt good sleeping, eating and exercise patterns, learn healthy coping skills and other important life skills like communicating, problem solving, emotional resilience, how to maintain good inter personal relationships, adaptability etc. At the same time a supportive happy and empathetic family and school environment helps them to mature and grow holistically. Adolescence is an age of physical, mental and emotional growth.
An age of hormonal turbulence in the child and of confusion and numerous queries in their mind where they have woven their own story of what is right and wrong and what should be done. They have their beliefs and numerous reasons and queries on every issue. These queries need to be addressed and adolescents need to be heard and convinced of what is right and wrong, of the difference between the real and reel, and about many things which may be real for them but may be far from the reality. Such children are very body conscious and of their self image and sexuality which has a direct impact on their self worth and self esteem. They are under immense peer pressure to be and behave and look as good as their peers and they can cross any limit to do so.
They do not like any control or interference in their lives by anyone even from their own parents who often complain that their child has withdrawn from them. This lack of parent-child bonding leads to many conflicts between the parents and the child who becomes more withdrawn, angry and aloof as a result. He loves the company of his peers more than his family especially that of his parents. Parents need to realise this bitter truth as early as possible.
They may face bullying which has a negative effect on their mental health and self esteem. Many are not able to cope with pressures and end up being depressed or angry and aggressive. It is the most challenging time for parents too.Some shocking statistics regarding depression in adolescents according to WHO show that one in six people aged 10-19 years is suffering from depression.
Mental health conditions account for 16 per cent of the global burden of disease and injury in people aged 10-19 years. Half of all mental health conditions start by the age of 14 years and most cases are undetected and untreated. Globally, depression is one of the leading causes of illness and disability among adolescents. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15-19-year-olds.
The consequences of not addressing adolescent mental health conditions extend to adulthood, impairing both physical and mental health, and limiting opportunities to lead fulfilling lives as adults. Mental health promotion and prevention are keys to helping adolescents thrive.Why is this happening and what can we do as parents, teachers and society to bridge this gap of lack of communication between us and our youth—because this is exactly what it is—a lack of understanding, bonding and communication between us and our youth. Family members should get alert if they notice signs of severe depression like alcohol or drug abuse, sleep disturbance, thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts.
Some of the main reasons why adolescents are so stressed include exam or academic stress, competition- peer pressure, influence of social media in their life, parenting and the quality of their home life and their relationships with their parents and siblings are other important determinants for their mental health. Comparisons, cyber bullying depression etc are some of the consequences of technology today. Media has a tremendous influence on our youth. It is like a double-edged sword, where it imparts ready and easy solutions to many academic and technical problems they face. But it also paints a ‘larger than thou picture’ for our adolescents who get confused between the reel and the real life. This can also affect their perceptions or aspirations for their future.
Violence (including harsh or negligent parenting and bullying), physical abuse or a history of child or adolescent sexual abuse and other socio-economic problems like poverty or lack of means are detrimental to their mental health. To save the adolescents, the parents need to be akin to friends to their children. They need to communicate with their child, talk, debate and discuss issues at home. They must appreciate and bond with their child. Parents also need to practice empathy and compassion in their behavior and words too. Techers must remember that they are like a parent for the child in school.
They should be kind, appreciative, motivating and empathetic. They must learn to recognise the stress symptoms in a child and take his parents into confidence. They must also remember tht they are a role model for their students. Teachers must also keep their stress levels in control as a stressed teacher can never have stress-free children in the class
The need of the hour is discussions and debates in colleges along with good parenting. There must be appropriate and consistent interventions like debates and discussions about relevant issues to promote adolescents’ mental health and aim to strengthen many protective factors which will empower the youth to find alternatives to risk-taking behaviours.
They should be taught many soft skills like improving their emotional intelligence, assertive skills, self esteem and resilience building which will protect their mental well-being so that they can cope well in difficult situations or adversities.
Promotion programmes for all adolescents and prevention programmes for adolescents at risk of mental health conditions should be undertaken at many levels such as on social media, health or social care settings, schools, or in the community. There should be a one to one or group or family counselings. Parental awareness programmes should be held and school based interventions should be done.
The teachers should be guided on how to recognise the high risk adolescents. Community based programmes should be enhanced where we can freely talk about stress, depression, substance abuse and sex education and suicides and empower the youth to be resilient and cope adaptively and move on in life happily and healthily.
Many vulnerable adolescents in fragile settings or the discriminated youth or the street children should also be addressed and brought into the mainstream.
(The author is a neuro psychologist and CBSE designated counsellor)
