In the world of civil services, rejection can sting in deeply personal ways. A missed dream posting doesn’t just feel like a professional hiccup-it can feel like a public verdict on your worth. And ironically, landing a coveted assignment doesn’t always bring celebration. It often invites envy, cold shoulders, and whispered judgments from peers. The very structure of this prestigious career can feel like a paradox: being overlooked feels like failure, while succeeding sometimes means being quietly resented.

Consider the young officer who dreams of a high-profile metropolitan post, only to be sent to a rural subdivision after months of anticipation. The disappointment is layered-not just personal, but echoed by family and friends who had their hopes tethered to the officer’s trajectory. For another officer, finally securing a prestigious posting can spark a new challenge: peer envy disguised as distant professionalism, veiled jabs, or even quiet exclusion from group camaraderie.

This dual-edged sword of public service-where rejection cuts deep and success triggers reverse snubs-is one of the profession’s greatest emotional trials. That’s why learning to become “snub-proof” is not just helpful; it’s essential. It means building resilience to face setbacks without crumbling, and emotional maturity to stay grounded amidst subtle hostilities.

Why do these slights hurt so much? Because rejection threatens four essential psychological needs: belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaning-identified by psychologist Kipling Williams. In civil services, where identity and purpose are so tightly intertwined with public perception and rank, these needs feel amplified. A posting isn’t just a job-it’s a symbol of validation.

But here’s the truth: many outcomes in civil services are shaped by variables outside your influence. Political considerations, timing, administrative reshuffles, or sheer luck can dictate who lands where. Missing out isn’t always about merit. It’s about circumstances. Understanding this can ease the internal sting.

So, what do you do when the sting arrives?

First, pause. Emotional reactions-like anger, self-doubt, or the compulsion to prove yourself-can spiral if left unchecked. Process the moment. Ground yourself in the knowledge that one posting doesn’t define your career.

Next, shift your perspective. Not every role will be high-profile, but that doesn’t mean it lacks value. Some of the most transformative public service work happens in places the public doesn’t see. One seasoned officer put it best: “The satisfaction of service is in the work itself, not the applause.”

For those experiencing reverse snubs, the approach must shift from defense to empathy. Peer envy is often rooted in insecurity. Responding with grace-acknowledging others’ contributions, remaining inclusive, and steering clear of petty rivalries-demonstrates quiet strength. Maturity in such moments marks true leadership.

Building a strong support system is also crucial. Find mentors, colleagues, or family who share your values and uplift your spirit. Their perspective can help you stay anchored when public recognition falters.

Just as importantly, build self-worth that isn’t tied to your posting, your designation, or peer validation. Reflect on why you entered this field in the first place. Reconnect with your deeper purpose-the ideals that first ignited your desire to serve.

And finally, see rejection as a teacher. Each snub reveals something-about systems, dynamics, or even blind spots in your own approach. Ask: What can I learn from this? How can I grow?

Also, check your own behavior. Have you ever unintentionally overlooked someone else? The cycle of exclusion can only be broken if we’re all willing to foster inclusion, awareness, and respect.

In the end, the civil services is not a 100-meter dash-it’s a marathon. There will be detours and hurdles. But what matters most is not the snub, not the title, and not even the applause-but how you carry yourself through it all. Because ultimately, the power of a snub lies not in the act itself-but in the meaning you choose to give it.

(The writer is DGP and Head of Haryana State Narcotics Control Bureau. Views are personal)